Confession. April 12, 2008Posted by phledge in black bile, fat.
I bought one of the “Fat Club” t-shirts from Shapely Prose…and I have yet to wear it. I can tell myself that it’s because they drop the f-bomb on the back so it’s not school-proof but what really happens is that I pull out this shirt from my closet and I look at the front and I realize that this is still not what I want. I do not want to be a member of this club. I do not want to announce it to the rest of the world despite the obvious fact that I am, indeed, a member of this club. I feel weird that I have contradictory feelings about my fat; I am neither “fur it nor agin’ it.” Or maybe I am both fur it AND agin’ it. Maybe something will change, maybe it won’t; but the shirt stays in the closet. In other words, I’m not giving it up, but I’m not putting it on yet, either. I thought I was stronger.
Update April 26: I wore it! I wore it to Starbucks and then out to the barn! Woot! Okay, well, it’s not that big a deal, I guess, since only one person in my circle of acquaintances got to see it, and I did have my super-duper long ponytail mostly covering the words on the back, but I’m still surprised that I was simply capable of such a thing. Baby steps.