Lunch of champions. March 4, 2008Posted by phledge in black bile, fat, health, medical school.
Tags: black bile, fat, health, medical school
One of my classmates would really benefit from HAES. She is definitely a tweenie, probably a size 12 but who knows, right? She talks about becoming an obesity physician in the sense that she would like to learn how to manage very-low-calorie diets and how to perform bariatric surgery. She is a good-hearted person who is convinced that at a larger size she was killing herself, and at very least diminishing her quality of life, so she wants to pass on the benefit she believes she’s garnered through calorie restriction and exercise. She describes her “larger life” as “sitting on the couch all day with a pint of Haagen Dazs, unable to climb a flight of stairs.” I have told her that I would like to sit down and chat with her about why what she was doing was not about her fat, but we’re both busy students and I fear that I may not be able to convince her away from this dream career.
So, anyway, today I did not have lunch. I was in attendance at a meeting where I thought they were going to serve food, but they did not and I was hungry. After the meeting she was talking to a student that sits near me, and she had celery with peanut butter, saltine crackers, and grapes. The grapes reminded me that I had a fruit plate at home that I wish I could access, and I mentioned as much. She said, “Oh, they’re soggy grapes, so they’re not very good,” as she popped more into her mouth. I didn’t really have a good response to it, so right at that moment I decided to go hit the vending machines. She said, “You have fun with that.” I went and got Fritos, Peanut M & Ms, and a Coke. Okay, and part of me felt like, ‘Well, shit, no wonder she thinks what you say is a bunch of crap—you eat like a fattie,’ and part of me said, ‘Yeah, and, so, what? You wanted fruit and you didn’t have any so you went for something available.’ And I’m realizing very rapidly that I still have the Bad Fattie Paradigm going on in my head, where it’d be okay if I was fat as long as I was following HAES, but as it stands I’m dragging down The Movement. I know it’ll get better, but today was one of those days where I knew I wasn’t really Kate Harding.